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water4willows
Title: The Silent Language of Grief
Characters: John S., Rodney M., Carson B., Evan L., Wolsey, and various OCs
Parings: None
Rating: PG13 for violence, language and some adult situations
Warnings: Mentions of Major Character Deaths
Disclaimer: The Stargate: Atlantis show and her characters are the property of MGM. All I can lay claim to is my passion for the show and the original characters within this story
Summary: 20 years after the Wraith decimated Earth, the SGC is once again ready to resume the Atlantis Expedition. There's only one man for the job, only John Sheppard has been MIA since the end of the War. A slip-up reveals John's current location, but will he be able to forgive the ultimate betrayal and return? AU, rated T for language. Mentions multiple major character deaths
Part One
There was a certain feeling he would get that started in the pit of his stomach every time he settled down into the space of a cockpit. It was a spark of something indescribable that exploded outwards into full on euphoria the exact moment his jet's wheels would lift from the runway and time would stand still for a fraction of a second. John Sheppard had forgotten all about that feeling (being grounded for the past 18 years could do that to you) but when he stepped through the invisible cloak concealing the ancient city of Atlantis, it reared up inside of him like some kind of chemical reaction that had been lying dormant in his chest just waiting for that one last element to detonate.
Oh to be home.
Materializing on the other side of that shield, John could instantly feel the city call out to him... sense her tendrils of energy reaching out to grab hold of the ones his own body threw until the connections reestablished themselves and he very nearly stumbled. Atlantis was far from dormant. She greeted John like an old friend and it was if the very metal beneath his feet came to life with the charge of that reunion... and people noticed.
"Holy shit," Fitzpatrick muttered, but John was too busy blinking up into the sun and trying to spot the tops of the tall spires that rose up around him as if Atlantis had thrust her hands up into the sky in elation that he had returned. His city was brilliant in the midday sun. So much so that John had to stop for a moment to take it all in, Fitzpatrick hovering nearby as if he half expected him to crumble to dust at the sight of the city he'd been separated from for nearly 20 years.
But it wasn't like that at all.
His blood was alive under the pull of nearby Ancient technology. His ATA gene tugged him forward by the connections he'd just formed and willed his feet to move deeper into the city. It was as if every bit of Atlantis was calling out to every bit of him and something suddenly slotted itself back into place at the center of him. It was something he'd never even realized he'd lost, and its unexpected reappearance in its rightful place inside was enough to nearly knock John off his feet.
Atlantis was exactly like he remembered her; from the gunboat grey color of her tall outer towers to the sparkling water that lapped up gently against her silvery sleek underbelly. It all came at him with the concussive G-Force of a takeoff that pushed him back bodily even as the city before him drew him in greedily.
He was home.
After eighteen fucking years, John Sheppard was home.
"Sure is something, isn't she?" Rodney waxed a little wistfully as he came up to stand beside John. He wrenched his eyes away from the radiant sight before him to look over at his friend even though he knew he would be unable to check the raw emotion Rodney would see there behind his eyes. The scientist smiled. No, scratch that. Rodney McKay was friggin' beaming at him like he was taking sole credit for reuniting two long lost friends and John had half a mind to pull the damn old fool in for an awkward, one armed hug. He wouldn't of course, but the thought was enough to get him to smile back.
"Welcome home, John," Rodney spoke almost reverently and John released a breath. He needed some kind of purchase, an anchor perhaps, or the enormity of what he was feeling was going to topple him over the edge and send him sprawling. He clapped a hand to McKay's shoulder like some kind of life line and the scientist grabbed his elbow a second later to steady him as he started to sway.
"Shit," he sputtered, embarrassed at being so overwhelmed, but Rodney just waived it off.
"If you ladies wouldnea mind," Carson interrupted the moment, coming up beside them as they both dropped their hands, "I'd like to go in already and see what mess they're makin' of my infirmary." The doc was eager to check on things there, but in the end, Rodney convinced him that their first stop should be the Gateroom.
The three friends made the trip caught in the net of old memories and Fitzpatrick fell into step behind them silently. The former Seal didn't attempt to impinge on their conversation, but John was conscious of the man's razor sharp gaze on him the entire way. By the time they finally reached the cavernous room that held Atlantis' Stargate he was about ready to turn around and ask the man just what the hell it was he was expecting John to do.
Stepping into the Atlantis Gateroom was like stepping back in time, and John forgot all about being irritated at their unwanted party crasher a moment later when he entered. Nothing about the place had changed and there were even a few techs working behind a console or two up on the main platform and, had they been dressed in the old uniforms the expedition team used to wear, John would have suspected that he really had been hurtled back in time... which had been known to happen.
The San Francisco Bay was on full display through the floor to ceiling windows across the sonorous room and the only thing that hinted Atlantis wasn't where she should be was the laddered red skeleton of the Golden Gate Bridge visible through the glass. Even the water outside was the same azure blue as the oceans of New Lantia, and all of it was watched over by the tall imposing Stargate keeping watch from one end of the room.
Seeing the Gateroom again brought a flood of good memories back to the surface of John's thoughts and he let a few of them play out in his mind: Ronan's first mission, pushing Rodney off the upper level balcony after they'd found that protection shield, Elizabeth walking across the elevated platform to stand on the balcony and greet each returning team... The memories were as much a part of him as the very oxygen in the room and John lost himself in them for a moment until Evan Lorne bounded down the Gateroom stairs to greet them.
"Guys," he nodded then turned to John with a hand extended. "Brigadier General Sheppard."
"So this is where you've been hiding," John grinned, taking the hand that was offered.
"Yeah, I've been working over here a bit lately. Just making sure everyone stays safe." With the threat of sabotage hanging over their heads, John could understand the SGC wanting a little extra security.
"How are things going?" Rodney asked. "Any suspicious activity?"
"Nope, everything's quiet. There have been a couple of ATA carriers aboard for the past few days testing systems and there haven't been any problems." Everyone glanced over to John after Lorne said that and he flinched under their apprehensive gazes.
"What? No one's tried to kill me... yet."
"That's not funny Sheppard." It was Rodney who chided him.
"Relax, Rodney. And I thought you guys said all the ATA gene carriers were dead," John remembered, ignoring the looks the men around him were still throwing.
"That's just a precaution, General," Lorne answered. "We have a few people left with the gene occurring naturally in their blood, but none of them are any good at using the Ancient technology." Lorne spoke the critical observation low and shot a glance over his shoulder at the working scientists behind the consoles to make sure none of them were listening. "Still, we try to keep them safe and only a handful of people know who they are. Hopefully we can keep it that way and no one else will get hurt."
"What steps are you taking for added security Colonel?" Fitzpatrick asked, their taciturn fifth wheel finally speaking up.
"We're adding more surveillance cameras, tougher security checkpoints at the entrances..."
"... but no one stopped us!" Rodney interrupted.
"Well that would be because I knew you were coming, Dr. McKay," Lorne replied curtly, managing to hide any displeasure he might have felt at being interrupted. He turned back to Fitzgerald. "... and we're thinking of implementing a key card system. Atlantis has sensors, but if a person doesn't have the ATA gene, it's a bit harder to track them through the city."
"Tis a damn shame we even need them at all," Carson reflected, shaking his head a little.
"Yeah well, with half the men, budget, and resources we were used to having 20 years ago, it's an unfortunate necessity," Lorne finished with a sigh.
"Well, as interesting as all this security talk is fellas," Rodney interrupted again a moment later, "I want to take General Sheppard to the Control Chair room to show him the power source we found. You guys... keep doing whatever it was you were doing."
The scientist waived Lorne off dismissively and started off towards the exit, hauling a befuddled John behind him. He shot Lorne an apologetic glance over his shoulder, just in time to see his 2IC roll his eyes and glare over at McKay, but Rodney was too eager to get John out of the Gateroom to notice. Carson, wanting to check on the progress of his infirmary, left them in the corridor outside and a moment later John found himself being lead down a familiar passageway and towards a room he had never expected to see again.
The prospect of that visit was enough to set his heart to pounding.
"Wait till you see this, Sheppard," Rodney was spouting animatedly when John finally got the roaring in his ears to settle down enough to hear what his friend was saying. "Remember that power source I was telling you about back in Wisconsin? The one I told you you'd need to see it to believe? Well we're storing them in here for now."
Rodney approached the Control Chair room first with John dragging his feet behind him and a silent Fitzpatrick taking up the rear, watching all of it closely. John did his best to ignore the hovering former Seal and focused all his attention on remaining calm. His life had been irrevocably altered in the room they were about to visit and he had no idea how he was going to react once he got inside. A million tiny emotions and sensations were coercing up and down his limbs and it all felt strange and risky, like he was in very real danger of shaking apart completely in there with no real way to pull himself back together again if the damage was extensive enough.
Rodney paused before the door and swiped a hand across the sensor to the room as it if were the most natural thing in the world... A small vortex of air pulled at John's pant leg as the door opened and he stiffened as he got his first look inside the room where life as he'd known it had ended...
When John had last been inside the Control Chair room, it had been charred and smoking; it's walls riddled with the injury of explosion. He could almost picture his body lying just inside the door where he had been thrown against the wall by the sheer force of the internal explosion that had rocked Atlantis a few hours after he had crash landed her in the San Francisco Bay. All city systems had failed and something in the level below had blasted its way up through the floor beneath the chair when he had returned to it to try and find Zelenka.
God, Radek Zelenka. How many years had it been since he'd thought about that man?
Memories drew John the rest of the way into the room and he was almost surprised to find that there was solid floor beneath his boots. The last time he'd been there, the ground had been nothing more than a gaping hole wreathed in flame and John stopped for a moment, half expecting another explosion to rock the room and send him flying. That explosion years ago had sent shrapnel ripping through his body and his knee opened up in a phantom hot pain that sliced its way up his thigh as the joint threatened to buckle beneath him. He'd been a mess of internal bleeding from the force of his flight through the air and against the wall, but the physical memories were something he could manage. It was the emotion that was threatening to unhinge him then and Fitzpatrick came up behind him cautiously. If this was how they were going to spend the next few weeks as John trained, he was going to get real tired of it, real quick.
John resolutely refused to acknowledge Fitzpatrick and flicked his eyes instead over to Rodney who was standing near the now repaired control chair, unmoving. He wondered then if Rodney was going through the same memories as he was in that instant because the scientist had stopped right where he had come to a halt all those years before to scream at John to stop.
"...There are people on those ships!"
Rodney's remembered words echoed around his skull like they had echoed around the control chair room that day and John closed his eyes against a wave of nausea as the lights in the room pulsed above their heads. It was as if Atlantis was remembering what happened next right along with him.
It had been all over after he'd heard those words. John had come to the knife-in-the-center-of-the-gut realization that he had just taken out the last remaining Wraith Hive ship in the skies above the Earth seconds before Rodney had entered the room, a disheveled and heartbroken Carson Beckett following in soon after. And a moment later he had let Atlantis crash into the San Francisco bay because he couldn't control her decent any longer after learning what he had just done...
"You guys okay?" Fitzpatrick asked, speaking for the first time and John opened his eyes in time to watch Rodney's entire frame shudder as the lights in the room returned to normal. The scientist looked old from the back: bent and worn; John felt the same way for a moment. Those memories were from a long time ago but even so, their shoulders were no longer youthful and strong or up to the task of carrying such burdens anymore.
John indicated to Fitzpatrick that he was fine but took a step towards Rodney, unsure of how to manage the situation should his friend turn his direction and finally show a chink in that seemingly impenetrable armor of his. But John saw nothing of the sort when Rodney finally turned back around to face him. In fact, the scientist had a fake smile plastered on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes and spoke his next words too brightly. .
"Now, about that surprise I was telling you about!"
The matter had seemingly been dropped and John didn't dare resurrect it as Rodney stepped aside to puff out his chest and gesture proudly towards a large crate sitting beside the chair. The scientist's lips disappeared into a smug smile that dripped so much of self-appreciation John almost caught sight of the old Rodney McKay for a minute. All that was missing in the scientist's big reveal was a bang and a sing-song 'ta-da'. John walked up to the tall metal case that Rodney was standing beside and flipped open the latches to take a look at what was inside.
Neatly organized in several straight rows and stacked about 10 high at least was a collection of glowing ZPMs that colored John's face orange as he leaned over the crate and peered down at them. He sucked in a breath, still tender ribs protesting the surprise expansion. There were enough Zero Point Modules in that crate to power Atlantis for an eternity.
"Where the hell did you find all of these?" His thoughts immediately went to Todd and the Wraith, their last source of a ZPM, but that was impossible. The Wraith had been obliterated thanks to Atlantis and the weapons platform at Area 51.
"Would you believe we found them in Antarctica hidden in a chamber under where the control chair used to sit?" Came Rodney's excited response. "All those years and we had all the power we needed buried right there under the ice! And we discovered them all thanks to yours truly!" McKay pointed at himself with a thumb.
"How? John asked, genuinely interested as he pulled out one of the ZPMs from the crate and hefted its weight in his hand. He'd forgotten how heavy those suckers could be. Rodney made a move like he wanted to yank it from his grasp and scold him for touching things he shouldn't, but the scientist seemed to think better of it and settled back on his heels.
"It was after the chair was moved to Area 51, obviously. Originally when the Antarctica base was scanned for energy readings years ago, it was assumed the power source that the team found was just the ZedPM powering the chair. But as it turned out, that ZedPM's energy source and the surrounding layers of ice were only masking the massive store of them that was hidden underneath the Control Chair! We only found them a few months ago when I did a sweep of the planet with a new device I'm working on."
"So you found them by accident," John smiled over at Rodney but the scientist scowled.
"Hardly." he said, looking hurt, but John just turned back to the crate with half a smile.
"So you found a stash of Zero Point Modules and bibity-bobity-boo, the Atlantis Expedition is back on."
"Well yeah." Rodney answered like it was the most logical conclusion to come to.
"...And then tapped me to come back and fly the city home."
"Yes, pretty much."
"Wow, Rodney. I'm impressed." He looked back over at McKay who was studying John as if he wasn't quite sure if he was really being sincere, or just sarcastic.
"Mock me all you want Sheppard," Rodney stated, apparently choosing the later and going all high and mighty on John in an instant, "but I found us enough power to last a lifetime and we're going back to Pegasus because of it."
"I know you did Rodney," he said, handing the ZPM he still had in his hands back over to the scientist. "You did good work."
John watched Rodney's face morph from outrage into realization as the fact that he'd just been complimented finally started to dawn on him. "Well thanks," he half mumbled and John shrugged it off.
"Give praise where praise is due, that's my motto."
"Oh please!" Rodney snorted, pulling a face. "You've never said that before in your life. And since when do you have a motto?"
"Since right now I guess," he shrugged with a crooked smile but the scientist just shook his head and walked back over to the ZPM case to replace the one John had pulled out. When McKay turned back around to face him again, his eyes were alight with mischief.
"So, do you want to sit in it?" Rodney suggested and John didn't miss the discrete glance the scientist threw over at Fitzpatrick... or the former Seal's attempt at an inconspicuous nod back. So Rodney McKay was in on the plan to rehabilitate him too, was he? John rolled his eyes at the stupid antics and McKay at least had the decency to look sheepish. Fitzpatrick just glowered back over at him as if daring John to make a big deal about it.
"I've routed most of the city's main systems into her so we can use the neural interface to run some diagnostics. I mean... you know, if you're up for it." John cast apprehensive eyes back over to the chair he hadn't sat in in over 18 years. The ATA gene in John's blood had been restless ever since he'd stepped through the cloak separating Atlantis from the rest of Earth and something inside of John made him stretch his tingling fingers out instinctively. His city was calling to him and it was as come-hither a feeling as Carrie standing at the foot of the staircase curling a finger at him to join her upstairs.
All that power, all that... potential.
He shivered, but it wasn't out of anticipation; not in the end. It was dread... because while Atlantis called to him from somewhere unseen, there was another side to the unbridled power and control she offered. The last time John had been in the control chair he'd fallen over into that other side. That other place where defensive drones could be used to blast whole Wraith Hive ships from the sky as billions of people lost their lives... John could feel the familiar pull of panic threatening and bitterness flooded the back of his throat as his anxiety rose higher. This was a big moment, his mind was screaming at him, and he looked back and forth between McKay and Fitzpatrick for some kind of confirmation on what he should do. But both men were staring back at him impassively with nothing helpful on their faces.
John clenched his teeth and closed his eyes on a tense exhalation as he made himself walk the few feet over to the chair. He climbed into it cautiously, half expecting it to pull him in before he was ready. He let his back rest against the unyielding material the chair was constructed from and tried to rein in his skittering heart. It was like a drum line in his chest, every beat swelling towards some unknown crescendo as he let his hands rest on the cool gel pads on either arm of the chair. He could have tried to prepare himself for what came next, but it would have been useless, and as the back plate began to recline, his body came alive with the sudden jolt of direct connection.
The feeling of completeness was instantaneous as every molecule of Atlantis passed through him at once, broadcasting hurts, severed connections, and incomplete circuits, until it nearly overpowered him. But after an overwhelming instant of everything there came a calm moment of nothing, until finally all of Atlantis sat before him like a blank computer screen with a single white cursor blinking at the center of his brain, the words 'shall we begin' appearing there suddenly as if typed.
"Everything alright?" Rodney asked a little worriedly and John pried open the eyes he hadn't even realized he'd closed to nod. He was breathing heavily but otherwise seemed to be okay and Rodney's face filled with relief when John looked over at him.
"It's fine, though you've got a major coolant leak in the propulsion systems you should probably get fixed before we take off. I don't think we want to blow Atlantis up right after we get her up and running again," he suggested and Rodney smiled over at him like a friggin' kid at Christmas.
The two friends spent the next few hours or so going through some of the more minor systems and checking various parts of the city for issues. Having three ZMPs powering Atlantis made all the difference and she was running how she was meant to run: firing on all cylinders and purring like a kitten... well, mostly. With the proper amount of power John was able to access things he'd never been able to access before, his experience with a full powered Atlantis brief to say the least, and before long he was running through her systems like he both belonged there and was welcomed. Rodney was eating it up as well and John could never remember seeing the man so giddy. But as fun as running diagnostics with Rodney McKay in a good mood all afternoon was, the fact still remained that Atlantis was a complex system, and a little while later John was starting to feel the effects of mucking about in them. His hands trembled a little (and not from panic for once) and the first whispers of a migraine were starting to make themselves known in the spaces behind his eyes. John knew if he didn't want to spend the next day huddled under the blankets of his bead fighting off one of his headaches, he needed a break.
During his time in the chair Fitzpatrick had disappeared for a while to leave them to the boring work but had since returned and seemed to pick up on John's deteriorating state. He came up to stand beside him as he looked John over in concern.
"Ya alright, General?" He asked and John lifted his hands from the pads of the chair. It returned to its upright position and Rodney looked up angrily from the tablet he was bent over, sitting on top of the ZPM case.
"Hey, why'd you stop? I was right in the middle of something!" He hollered, but one look at John and he stopped.
"I think the Brigadier General needs a break, Dr. McKay." Fitzpatrick said over his shoulder and Rodney walked back over.
"Well if you would have told me earlier, I could have stopped, John."
"It's no big deal, Rodney," John cut in, not sure what all the fuss was about. He was a little tired but other than that, he felt fine.
"Yeah, well you look like you're about to keel over." Rodney was looking him over critically and John wiped a hand across his brow, mindful of his stitched up forehead. He was clammy and now that McKay mentioned it, maybe the chair had taken a little more out of him than he realized.
"Hey, Doc, do you think you could give us a few minutes alone?" Fitzpatrick asked and John looked up sharply. The former Seal didn't return the look but kept his eyes fixed on Rodney who's gaze ping-ponged back and forth between John and former Seal before he finally gave up with a shrug.
"I guess I'll go... find Carson," he replied and left the room quickly without looking back. John watched him go, thought he heard a faint "just don't break him again" muttered under the scientist's breath, then sighed when Fitzpatrick rounded on him once they were alone.
"Is this how it's gonna be the whole time I work with you? Because if it is and you're going to be mother henning me the entire time, this isn't going to work out," John grumbled, resting his elbows on the tops of his knees and massaging his aching temples.
"If I remember correctly, you got injured pretty badly in here. Am I right?" Fitzpatrick asked, ignoring John's hostility.
He exhaled. "Yeah. Pretty badly is a good way to describe it."
"Want to tell me about what happened?"
"No," he chuckled cheerlessly, looking up at the frowning Fitzpatrick. Apparently the former Seal had lost his sense of humor.
John shrugged. "What good would it do?"
"Humor me."
"You gonna beat me up again if I don't?"
"I don't know, can you stop deflecting for one goddamn minute and give me a straight answer?"
"Pissing me off enough to get me to talk might have worked once, Petty Officer," John spat heatedly, "but not again. Get some new material!"
Fitzpatrick went still and narrowed his eyes. "I told you once before, Sheppard, call me Petty Officer again and I'll wipe the floor with you. I'm going to give you a pass this time, but say it again and I will kick your ass."
John let his face darken. "You're so big on sharing, why don't you tell me why you won't reenlist and maybe then I'll tell you what happened after the crash," he volleyed back, ignoring the threat, and Fitzpatrick's narrowed eyes regarded him sharply. He didn't flat out refuse though and that took John by surprise.
"Alright, that's fair," Fitzpatrick replied unexpectedly, running a hand over the stubble at his chin as he thought on it. "I tell you about why I won't reenlist and you take me through everything that happened after the crash. And I mean everything, Sheppard. All of it starting from when the city hit the water and up until they flew you out of here on that helicopter to the Denver trauma center. Agreed?"
John paused for a moment to try and decide if the bargain was worth it. He really didn't give a shit about the kid standing in front of him at the moment, not with the constant hovering all day, but another part of him wanted to know the story behind Former Petty Officer First Class Sean Fitzpatrick.
"Alright," he said finally. "But you go first."
"Fine," Fitzpatrick fired back then turned his back on John. He nearly asked just what the hell the kid was doing but Fitzpatrick's head fell forward before he could and the Seal's shoulders shook ever so slightly. It was the strangest thing in the world, watching a man as big as Fitzpatrick struggle like that to keep himself together, but a moment later he turned back around again and whatever it was he had been hoping to hide from John was long gone from his face.
"I was home the day the Wraith attacked," he started. "I'd just finished boot camp and was awaiting my orders when those... things started culling. My entire fucking neighborhood was wiped out in a matter of seconds and the only reason I wasn't there with them was because I had taken my mom's car to the gas station to fill it up for her as a surprise. She was all by herself when the Wraith came and for a long time I blamed myself that she had been taken.
I heard these rumors a little while later about some program the government was running to fight the aliens responsible and I went looking for it, hoping I could sign up and help... you know, get my revenge and all. But the rumors were just that... rumors, though I would find out later that they had kind of been true. The Stargate program was a real thing, as you well know, and I got myself involved in it somehow. I guess it was because I was a good solider with a clean record and they were desperate, so I got my security clearance and that was that. But during orientation we were told what really happened that day the Wraith came to Earth... and how they were defeated. I found out about what they had you do, Sheppard, and after that I signed my separation papers and left."
"What made you come back?" John asked.
"Landry, actually. I'm assuming you've met Major Scott Bradshaw?" John nodded. "He tracked me down and convinced me to come in for a meeting with Landry and the guy set me straight. By the time all that happened 15 years had gone by. I had gone back to school and gotten a psychology degree and had been working with a local hospital helping them deal with some vets that were having a hard time coming to terms with what happened. Landry figured I'd be an asset to the SGC with my particular skill set and with all you older guys coming back to help them restart the program. He told me about the kind of alien race the Wraith were, how if my mom had lived, she would have been nothing more than a meal to those animals, and I agreed to come back and help with your case."
"My case, huh? You make me sound like one of your psyche patients, Fitzpatrick," John said warily, wondering how it was the man in front of him was willing to even try and help him, considering he'd most likely fired the shots that had killed his family.
"If I told you we were leaving Earth today and to sit back in that chair and fly us out of here, could you honestly tell me you'd be 100% ready for that emotionally?"
"I don't know! Probably not..."
"Right! So quit trying to deflect and downplay the fact that you need some help to get back to full fighting strength. It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's what I'm here to help you with. A wise man would recognize that fact and use it to his advantage."
"You've obviously not read my file," John muttered back but Fitzpatrick just laughed.
"Oh I've read it. Stubborn, obstinate, trouble with authority. It's all in there but believe me, Sheppard, I've seen worse."
"So why not reenlist?" John pushed ahead, choosing to ignore the barb, and Fitzpatrick shrugged.
"I said I would come back and help, not that I would forgive them completely and join up again."
"A skilled fighter like you, we could sure use you."
"I'm more of a lover than a fighter these days."
"Could have fooled me," John snorted.
"Hey, I knew you weren't going to respond if I sat you down on a couch and asked you to talk about your feelings."
"No, you'd rather wait to get me on Atlantis and into the control chair to do it."
"Touché, Sheppard," Fitzpatrick laughed. "And speaking of which, I believe we had a deal. My story for yours."
"I don't know, Fitzpatrick... I don't think we've adequately delved into this fear you seem to have of reenlisting." John replied slyly as Fitzpatrick cocked amused eyebrows at him.
"I'm not afraid of reenlisting, Sheppard," he challenged back.
"Then why not do it?"
"We're not here to discuss me. We're here to help you get back into shape to lead this mission. Now come on Sheppard, I told you about my past, time to take me through what happened after the crash." But John wasn't done with the former Seal just yet.
"You know, you really shouldn't deflect the fact that you need some help getting over what happened so you can reenlist. I can help you with that and a wise man would acknowledge that fact and use it to his advantage." He was using Fitzpatrick's own words against him and for a moment something intense back-lit the young man's eyes, but whatever it was, it was gone in an instant to be replaced by something resembling amusement.
"Fair enough. I'll start thinking about reenlisting if you do like you promised and take me through the events after the crash."
John, knowing he could stall no longer and convincing himself that sharing it all with Fitzpatrick was the right thing to do, let his mind slip back into the past...